I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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