I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We have started to decorate penises.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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