Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
