You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
