i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
