that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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