Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize