drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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