Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
