wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
