Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
