She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
