When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
