im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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