Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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