Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize