I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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