tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize