Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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