the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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