I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
