You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
