I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
