It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
