I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
