in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
