I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
