how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
