I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize