i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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