Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
