So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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