I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
