dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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