"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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