They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
