so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
