I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
