Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mom said you looked used
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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