I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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