I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize