I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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