Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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(620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha

Replies (42) Good night (3192) Bad night (734)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

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(781): I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step http://tfl.nu/hwjf

Replies (24) Good night (3333) Bad night (544)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?

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(860): Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out? http://tfl.nu/i8pt

Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (4025)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."

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(248): Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching." http://tfl.nu/eoit

Replies (59) Good night (975) Bad night (3199)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

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(717): please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are. http://tfl.nu/a3si

Replies (10) Good night (1287) Bad night (3699)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.

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(215): Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town. http://tfl.nu/ozti

Replies (29) Good night (7619) Bad night (766)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games

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(630): Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games http://tfl.nu/dec3

Replies (10) Good night (4243) Bad night (550)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

(919): View more from North Carolina

Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

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(704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf

Replies (17) Good night (4490) Bad night (819)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

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(517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m

Replies (21) Good night (4541) Bad night (1452)
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(607): View more from New York

im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

(607): View more from New York

way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

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(607): im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour. (607): way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses http://tfl.nu/5by3

Replies (10) Good night (4597) Bad night (1159)
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(540): View more from Virginia

come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol

(540): View more from Virginia

its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now

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(540): come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol (540): its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now http://tfl.nu/0y7d

Replies (6) Good night (1633) Bad night (488)
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(419): View more from Ohio

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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(419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2

Replies (4) Good night (2158) Bad night (630)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.

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(304): Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE. http://tfl.nu/c4re

Replies (6) Good night (1704) Bad night (475)
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(334): View more from Alabama

FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

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(334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x

Replies (9) Good night (2066) Bad night (354)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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(706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr

Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (263)

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