i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.