I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.