Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot