So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????