I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
