yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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