I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Operation Purity has been aborted
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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