i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
