Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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