Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
