I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
