i don't like sucking hair
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
