nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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