so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize