Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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