just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
