He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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