thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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