I wish you could order shots online.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
