You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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