How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
