If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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