It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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