There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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