just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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