i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
