I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
