Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
