i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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