is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
