I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
